Late Nights of Thought

It is late. Very late. I have been up since twelve the previous day. I do not know where my energy comes from. I have not eaten much all day. however. I have smoked. I do not want to smoke. I don't like the taste of raw, harsh nicotine on my tongue and in my mouth. It stings me. Why do I do it in the first place? It makes me feel good. It gives me a slight high. How does that help the situation.? It is Extremely complex, you see. If I am sleepy, I even tend to hallucinate. The other day during the fourth session, I was dozing in a chair, colleagues all around me. The subject wasn't at all boring. It is one of my favorites. I hadn't slept for the past 36 hours. Thats why I was sleepy. But how could I have hallucinated? I don't know; I remember looking over a lava pit, of all things. I don't know what that signifies, but it was undoubtedly scary at that moment. That brought me out of my momentary half-sleep. Maybe it was a movie I saw recently. Yes. It is because of the movie, which wasn't any good at all to begin with. Now that we're on the subject of movies, I have been watching some good ones lately. Some rebellious ones. Angry ones. Insane ones. I like watching such movies because they take away some of my frustration. They help ease the pain. I like them. Harsh, fictional, but real. That is what I want to see. That is what I want to be. I can't be what I want to, at least for now. It is beyond me, transformation.

"Me" is a very fluid concept, you see. It changes as per my requirements. I cannot control it. It controls me. I cannot help it. It is because of this fluidity that I lost what i really did not want to lose, at least at this point of time. Her presence is soothing. I can be myself when she is around. Now that she does not want to be around, what do I do? My system shuts down, I cannot think straight, I can think of nothing but her. I cannot find a reason for this sudden increase in distance. I have not known her very long, but still, this new problem is making a change come about in me. A bad Change.

Introduction

Hello there, fellow bloggers, friends and humans.

This first post's purpose is to establish and support a certain protocol that I wish all of you to follow when going through and interacting with my WeBlog or me.

1. Don't ask me my real name, ever.

2.Comment on, but don't criticize my observations and analyses.

3.If and When i speak of other individuals, do not, for heaven's sake, try to find out who they are.

4.Those who know me, keep my Identity to yourself.

5.Those who wish to be fellow thinkers, prove yourself.